Realtor: A massacre happened in this area….300 people died..
White person: Sell me the house.
Realtor: …are you sure?
White person: I’ll pay triple.
Realtor: The pervious 5 owners have all come up missing
White person: Do you prefer cash or check?
one time I had this dream that I logged on to amazon and my account had like negative four trillion dollars because i accidentally bought the city of Paris
in french we don’t say “i love you”, we say “vous recevez une heure supplémentaire dans la piscine à balles” which roughly translates to “you are my sun, my stars, my everything” and i think that’s beautiful
being a human is so weird
fun prank: wake up during open heart surgery and sing don’t go breakin’ my heart to the surgeon
if you’re on the sun then sun dried tomatoes are just tomatoes
Wouldn’t they just be dried tomatoes, because they are still not normal tomatoes
i just googled this and turns out there aren’t any tomatoes on the sun so it looks like we’re both wrong but more importantly you’re wrong