zeldathemes
Tree powers activate!
Hi I'm Matthew and dogs are important


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diamondtwink:

BYE

cosbyykidd:

thuglifeandhackysacks:

queeniman:

Realtor: A massacre happened in this area….300 people died..

White person: Sell me the house.

Realtor: …are you sure?

White person: I’ll pay triple.

Realtor: The pervious 5 owners have all come up missing

White person: Do you prefer cash or check?

gallows-calibrating:

one time I had this dream that I logged on to amazon and my account had like negative four trillion dollars because i accidentally bought the city of Paris

person: but what if your parents had aborted YOU
me: well okay for starters i wouldn't have been forced to hear that stupid ass comment you just made
me: watching tv show
me: looks down at phone for 0.002 seconds
me: misses entire plot line of episode, introduction of 2 new characters, 1 main character dies, they are in a different country, at some point someone reproduced and offspring are spoiled and someone got a pet cat

doctorwhothefuckareyou:

kailivesinabox:

in french we don’t say “i love you”, we say “vous recevez une heure supplémentaire dans la piscine à balles” which roughly translates to “you are my sun, my stars, my everything” and i think that’s beautiful

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um 

orchid-ink:

iraffiruse:

Satisfying things

being a human is so weird

brbjellyfishing:

fun prank: wake up during open heart surgery and sing don’t go breakin’ my heart to the surgeon

bombing:

dantheman2033:

bombing:

if you’re on the sun then sun dried tomatoes are just tomatoes

Wouldn’t they just be dried tomatoes, because they are still not normal tomatoes

i just googled this and turns out there aren’t any tomatoes on the sun so it looks like we’re both wrong but more importantly you’re wrong

wildniam:

theres this facebook group going on for worlds hottest teen and look

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